The Five Love Languages is a book written by Gary Chapman in 1992 and explores the idea that each person has preferred ways of giving and receiving love. Gary Chapman was a marriage counselor and used this book as a tool to help couples understand the wants and needs of their significant others so that they can better communicate what they need from the other. Since then, it has become a tool to use in any relationship and can help identify the root of many conflicts and allow people to connect more profoundly with one another. We will be discussing the five love languages, how you can identify your primary love languages and those of your friends and family, and what you can do to increase the quality of these relationships.
First is the five love languages: acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch.
For acts of service actions speak louder than words. Someone who has this as their love language may be happy if you were to do chores around the house or take a task off their plate. It does not often matter how large the task is, but rather the fact that you thought to do it for them.
Receiving gifts can be a similar idea - rather than it having to be large or expensive these people appreciate the fact that you thought of them when they weren't there, or that you remembered something from a conversation you had. Some gifts could even be considered acts of services like bringing someone food.
Quality time should be interrupted time together, it does not always matter what activity you decide to do just that you are paying attention to and giving your time to that person. This can also be characterized by doing things like putting devices away and giving someone your undivided attention, even if it just listening.
Words of affirmation is one of the most common love languages and can be delivered in person, text, letter. It is simply letting someone know you are thinking of them, that you appreciate them, maybe saying thank you or that you are proud of them. This is even easy to employ out in public by complimenting someone's hair or outfit - a simple gesture like this could make someone's day!
Last is physical touch - this does not have to be sexual in nature as these can apply to any relationship but could include something as simple as a high-five or a pat on the back. A hug that lasts 20 seconds or longer can even produce enough oxytocin to lower cortisol levels and reduce stress.
Now that we have identified the love languages the next step will be deciding which are your primary. There is a quiz at 5lovelanguages.com that can start this process for you or you can assess based on your previous experiences. Think about what ways your friends, family, or significant others have expressed their love to you that resulted in more happiness, or maybe ways they did not express that led to pain. Keep in mind that love languages can evolve and can even be affected by which you are currently receiving, the nature of your relationship, whether or not you are in a romantic partnership, or how you would like to receive versus how you may display your love language. Once you have established yours it is a great idea to start identifying the love languages of those around you so that you can better communicate with them, help them feel valued, and create a deeper connection within these relationships.
Resources:
Do You F*cking Mind? Podcast - Love Languages and Banter with Liv: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5auUTxBM3QohVH69vvpfCY?si=fiyZbhd8RC6uwwsoGZ3yzQ
On Purpose with Jay Shetty Podcast - 6 Steps on How To Understand Your Partner's Love Language & Improve Your Communication Instantly: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5HxAvZry5wxPpRiQhCFRSr?si=teBabSxGTFmkfkJVK-ErDQ
The Diary of CEO - The Gottman Doctors: Women Tend to Be More Unhappily Married & Non-Cuddlers Have an Awful Sex Life!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mS3bfCt0K88
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