Last month we focused on taking pride in the things that we do and making sure that we were putting our effort into the things that matter. But sometimes a weird thing happens when you start to focus on taking pride, even though you are giving yourself credit for things that you do you almost start to judge yourself. Did I try my hardest? Was that worth being proud of? These are not necessarily negative thoughts because keep in mind that with all growth and self-improvement there is a step in which you have to check in. How am I doing? Am I reaching toward my goals? If not how do I get back on track? But sometimes this focus on growing and achieving chips away at the day to day self confidence that got you where you are today; that has allowed you to find success thus far. The confidence that tells you, I'm pretty freaking cool and I've done some pretty cool stuff! That's why this month we are focusing on being nice to ourselves.
When was the last time you gave someone else advice that you didn't follow yourself? When you beat yourself up for not performing to your expectations or not being as fast, smart, strong or whatever as you would like to be? These are conversations we all have in our heads almost every day and they are all too easy to get caught up in. "The Confidence Gap" by Russ Harris describes a method you can use to help detach yourself from these thoughts and avoid going down that rabbit hole. By performing the following exercises you realize how unreasonable you are probably being with yourself and it allows you to rationalize without being as emotionally attached. A couple of his suggestions include:
• Sing the phrase
• Say it in a funny voice
• Imagine it in your head as text and play with the font size, style, color etc
I have found a lot of success in journaling when I am frustrated or upset as it helps me to work things out almost out loud without having the need for social venting or coping mechanisms first. It has become my coping mechanism so I can really check in and see the situation from a broader perspective. It starts to make you think about what other people are thinking or feeling in a situation or maybe if you're being a bit dramatic and it's not as serious as you think. And keep in mind this is a skill, the more often you do it the better it gets - then you can start to reason with yourself in the moment.
With that being said our challenge is going to be talking to ourselves every day, in your head, on paper, out loud, whatever you need and starting to realize our triggers, realize when we are being hard on ourselves. Our daily check in is going to be simple: name one adverse thought you had and a piece of advice you may give to a friend if they were you.
When I was talking to one of my clients about our last theme of the month she mentioned being her harshest critic, which I think a lot of us are, and I told her: "There is a difference between setting standards for yourself, and never letting yourself reach them." So let's let ourselves reach those standards first and then raise them up. Learning and growing come in stages and success comes when we finish each stage before leaping to the next. Give yourself some credit, you may be surprised how much hungrier you get when you actually acknowledge your accomplishments.
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